The Life
Altering Power of Choice
I normally have a rather comical side
to the blogs I write, or at least try to tie some humor of certain life
observations or spiritual lessons I discuss, in order to bring an optimistic smile
to those who may sacrifice a few moments of time to read what I have tried to
say. But today I want to write with a
more serious tone of something that literally has a life or death level of
impact in our existence and happiness: The life altering power of Choice!
Agency (or the ability to choose for
ourselves) is a gift from God. Life,
health, breath and all our senses are also gifts from God, but despite all our
efforts, we don’t’ have much control over those things. We are all prone to sickness, disease and
eventually death. But choice is different.
It is the one thing of actual power that we possess independently ourselves.
Now many of the choices we make aren’t
of the life or death variety, such as: what brand of toothpaste we use, what
color of clothes we wear, what kind of cereal we eat for breakfast, etc… and
many in society use that rationale and extend it out into the public concepts
that people can choose to live however they want and it’s okay, because
whatever pleases that individual is his/her right of choice. They plead their case out into the arenas of defining
what marriage is, claiming that pornography or infidelity is acceptable
behavior, or legalization of drugs is a right or simple freedom of choice for
those who want to indulge in such behavior.
But many of the choices we make
actually do have a life or death level of influence in our lives, such as: "Am I
going to stop at the red light at the busy intersection?"
You see, I can choose to jump off a
cliff without a parachute if I want to experience the brief and false feeling of
flight, but I can’t alter the laws of gravity to prevent the subsequent crushing
outcome of landing on the jagged rocks below.
Let me illustrate this point by
sharing a personal story of a friend of mine, (whom I will not name). When we were young kids, we lived across the
street from one another, went to school together in the same grade, were
deacons in our local church, camped out with our local Boy Scout group, had
sleep-overs, etc… In many ways we were
from what most would say were similar environments.
But along the way as the years went by
and we advanced up into the Junior High School age, something happened to my
friend and neighbor. His parents got
divorced when he was 8 years old (I don’t know the exact reasons why and won’t
begin to speculate here), but this broken home led to some gradual differences
over time.
It wasn’t apparent during childhood,
but he suffered from a condition known as “delayed growth syndrome”, which
became apparent when I and most of his classmates hit puberty and started to grow
facial hair and muscles, while he stayed small in stature with physically stunted
growth. Unfortunately this led to many
of the kids in school teasing or harassing him at times. He seemed to laugh and take it all in stride,
but I know personally that it hurt him and caused him to feel like he didn’t
fit into the normal group anymore.
If I remember correctly, he went away for
a while one summer between our 8th and 9th grade years,
to either spend time with his father or an uncle. I don’t know if it was to give his mother a
break or spend some time with a male figure in his life, but when he came back
at the start of the next school year he had changed in some small ways.
He no longer came to church with the
other boys, and because he was staying physically smaller, he no longer
participated in the school sports activities.
As a result of this and the unfortunate occasional jokes as his expense,
he started hanging out with a different group of kids who were also outcasts of
a sort, because they liked to swear, sneak smoking cigarettes and drinking a
few beers, etc… (This behavior may be
common among many areas of the country, but in our hometown of Rexburg, Idaho
which is a fairly majority Mormon town, it was an aberrational behavior). But these kids accepted him into their group
of “different” kids and soon he chose to adopt some of their other behaviors, which
unfortunately grew into experimentation with further alcohol and drug use.
I didn’t know it at the time, but
because of the teasing, he tried some medically supervised hormone treatments
to increase his physical growth, but which had the unfortunate side effect of
making him irritable and angry. This
combination soon led to some behavioral problems which had him in and out of
the juvenile detention system, and as the rest of us progressed into high
school, he wasn’t around very much at all.
He dropped out of school and I kind of lost track of him for a while as
I went on with my own teenage life.
At that time, as my friend drifted
away, I started to come to a deeper realization of the importance of my family
and religion in my life. After my
graduation from high school I voluntarily chose to serve a 2 year mission for
the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Los Angeles, and experienced
the wonderful growth and development that came with serving and giving of
myself for the benefit of others.
Unbeknownst to me, while I was away
serving in California, my lost friend was battling a severe addiction to Cocaine. With a juvenile record and an addiction, he
had also turned to a life of crime in order to steal money for more drugs. This next part of the story might be a little
hard to read, but it is all completely true.
On July 15, 1987, while I was away
teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ in Los Angeles, my friend attempted to rob
a small grocery store in a nearby town of Ashton, Idaho. He had hidden in the back of Jack’s Grocery
Store with a gun and watched as the wife of the owner, a mother of two
children, brought the cash from the registers back into safe. Thinking she had left he came out of hiding to
steal the money, but she returned and caught him. He shot her in the stomach and then promised
to call an ambulance for her if she opened the safe. When she did, he then shot her point blank in
the head and killed her. He was later
caught and confessed to the crime.
When I returned home from my mission
on December 24th, 1987 to a joyful celebration with my family, my
former friend was on trial for first degree murder. He was convicted, narrowly
avoiding the death penalty, and was sentenced to life in prison without the
possibility of parole.
There are several factors about this
story that I would like to discuss. While
some of the things apply directly to my friend’s situation, they also have some
general relation to the world at large.
I am certainly not trying to tackle every social issue in depth, but
simply pose some general comparisons and thoughts about certain issues.
As I mentioned before, I don’t know
the reason behind why my friend’s parents were divorced. Divorce was still quite rare back in those
days, but in today’s society with the at-fault divorce process the rates are
staggering. Couples seem to view
marriage as something of convenience and throw the commitment and covenants of
marriage out the window as soon as things get a little difficult or tough,
leaving behind broken homes with single parents struggling to raise children
and confused children often blaming themselves for why mom and dad aren’t still
together.
Think of just a few of the
ramifications of choosing divorce (which we can’t possibly cover completely
here), but single parents are more likely to end up needed government or church
welfare assistance to survive, which can degrade feelings of self-worth. Or often the single parent is forced to leave
the home to work more, leaving behind a society of latch-key children who, without
the regular influence of two parents are then left to video games, television
or other peers to find their way through many of their formative years.
Think of how the choice of viewing pornography
has affected marital relationships and views of sexual intimacy in
society. With such filth and perversion
so readily available in today’s world, many struggle with addictions that
literally alter thinking patterns in the brain, degrade women, contribute to
world problems of child kidnapping and a whole underworld of human trafficking
that supporters of pornography like to sweep under the rug and pretend doesn’t
exist. The personal choices people make
along this path, thinking that it is a personal and private decision, have
ramifications which literally ripple out through generations of broken souls
and lives.
Consider how the choice of consuming alcohol
can affect relationships. Now I know
that many feel that casual drinking is okay and doesn’t affect them, but
anything that dulls your senses and removes inhibitions can lead to changed
behavior, more serious alcoholism, which in turn has a history of domestic
violence, shattered homes, and crime. While
not the case for many, the fact still remains that most hard core drug
addictions likely begin with the initial choices of recreational smoking or
alcohol consumption, which then leads to further drug experimentation and more
serious addiction like my friend.
Then there is the choice many
teenagers and youth make to tease, bully or socially isolate others because
they are different. The news headlines
are full of stories of teenage suicide, shooting rampages, or acts of violence
which are related to these social issues, all of which stem from the lack of
respect for others, absence of human decency, selfishness, and general decline
in societal values.
We could go on and discuss volumes about
how moral and societal declines are related to increased divorce, violence,
crime and so forth, but that is not the main point I want to expound on
today. And although my friend had a
series of unfortunate things in his life, like the divorce of his parents, and
physical problem, etc… I am not attempting to say that his problems were all
the fault of someone else (although those things certainly did contribute to
his situation).
What I’m really trying to point out
here is how our individual choices affect so much further than just our own
personal satisfaction and situation.
My
friend’s choices left behind a devastated mother and siblings, not to mention a
widower and two children who had to be raised without a mother, which in turn
impacted their lives and subsequently many others.
Now I am nothing special and have made
my own share of mistakes along the way, but I have often thought over the years
how our lives, though my friend and I started out in very similar circumstances,
could have taken us in different directions. I have at times lamented and wondered if I
perhaps could have done something to help him.
Yet I feel so very blessed to have all of the wonderful freedoms and loving
family relationships I personally enjoy.
The fact is that we are all a result
of the choices we make with the agency we have been given from a loving
Heavenly Father, who wants to bless us and help us become more like Him if we
will but use that agency to choose to follow Him.
When as individuals and a society we
choose to follow our own path of selfish, personal, fleeting gratification
outside of the Lord’s guidelines, then an unfortunate ripple effect of broken
hearts, broken homes and opportunities lost becomes evident in not only
individuals, but society and the world at large today. Thinking that our personal choices don’t have
an effect on others around us is foolish.
The world, nations, states and local communities are merely the combined
result of individuals and families and how they function. When viewed in that
light of magnification, the individual choices we make every day have more of a
life and death impact on our communities and nations than we can possibly
realize.
I know that many may disagree with
these views and opinions. But the effect of the difference in choices between me
and my friend is just an example of how a single choice or pattern of choices
can, if we are not careful, can lead us down a vastly different path than we
could ever imagine.
My hope is that we can all comprehend a
little more clearly how our individual choices impact not only ourselves, but
our families (including generations yet to come), and so much more than we realize. That is why the unchanging standards and
commandments of God and the personal behavior that comes from following those values
is so vitally needed in our personal lives and the world at large today!
Just think of how different
individuals, families and communities would be if each individual or their own
free will and choice lived and taught the Christian standards and principles of
love, respect, service and compassion for those around them!
As I mentioned before, I realize that
many may disagree with some of this thinking, and everyone is entitled to their
own opinion, but if so, I challenge you to show me a better, more effective way
to solve individual, family or world problems.
Study and implementation of societal
and government programs cannot and will never be able to replace the powerful effect
and positive change in individuals, families, communities, nations and the
world, as each individual's choice to follow the commandments and gospel of
Jesus Christ!
And that all starts with the
individual choices we make each and every day!
“A determining and defining moment
lies ahead for all mortals. Yet that defining moment turns on our choices
today.” – Elder Neal A. Maxwell