Finding
the Strength to Hold On
Many years ago, when I was senior in high school, I
had a brief, but terrifying experience.
My older brother was gone serving as a missionary in
South America, and my two younger brothers, who are 10 and 12 years younger
than me, were too small to help, so I went with my father to purchase and load
up an old wood burning stove from a private couple who lived on the outskirts
of town. Now I don’t know if you have
ever had to move a big, thick, metal wood burning stove before, but they are
extremely bulky and heavy. Depending on
the make and manufacturer they can weigh between 300 to 800 pounds… and this
one was down in the basement of the house.
We lifted the enormous and awkward weight of it and managed
to get it around the corner and were, one agonizing step at a time lifting it
up the stairs from the basement. It took
a coordinated effort to lift together and take the next step up. My father was on the top and having to squat
down and pull upwards to the step he was on, while I simultaneously lifted from
below and then took a quick step upwards once the legs of the stove were
resting on the next higher step. Remarkably,
we had made it about three fourths of the way up the steps when in the midst of
the next lift, my father’s back went out, and he collapsed backwards onto the
upper steps behind him.
Suddenly, the weight of the entire stove rotated a
bit and tipped back towards me and I found myself in a most precarious and
terrifying position. Essentially, the
upper portion of the stove was resting precariously on one leg of the higher step
while I was holding a dead lift of the weight below as one corner of the stove top
jabbed into the meat of my chest. I
quivered for a moment and then somehow stabilized the weight, with certainly
nothing but fear for my life giving me enough strength to hold the load.
I will never forget my father’s face as he looked
down over the top of the stove, in complete agony over the searing pain in his
back, with his eyes full of horror at the situation I was in. At any second, and even if I tried to adjust
my grip or the position of my feet, the enormous cast iron bulk would have
pushed me over backwards and certainly crushed me beneath it on its terrible
descent to the bottom of the stairs. It was
all I could do and took all my effort just to hold my precarious position.
The lady of the house, who was watching from the top
of the stairs gave out a little shriek, her eyes open wide in shock, and it was
only the agonizing voice of my father who snapped her out of it as he cried out
to her, “Go get some help!”
Of course we should have gotten help much sooner,
but in that moment, there was no time for second guessing, or thinking “we
should have used a moving dolly”, or anything else… it was now a complete focus
on survival from one straining second to the next. My Dad struggled to get up and attempted to
help pull the weight forward toward him to alleviate my burden, but with his
injury there wasn’t much he could do. I
remember him feebly pleading, “Oh, Eric!
Hold on!”
I don’t know how long it was that I teetered on the
brink of disaster. I just remember
straining with every ounce of my strength, with legs and arms trembling beneath
the load as sweat poured down into my eyes and a deep pain penetrating the
flesh of my left chest where the corner of the stove was digging in, and
knowing that if I relaxed or let up for even an instant, disaster would
follow. There was no room or way to step
aside in the narrow staircase to try and jump out of the way, there was only
holding the load for as long as it took or be crushed beneath the weight.
Looking back at it now, I am fairly certain there
may have been some unseen angelic help in supporting the weight for the length
of time which seemed to stretch on forever, but in the moment, I felt
completely alone under the potentially crushing weight, which seemed a burden
far too heavy to bear for even another agonizing second. All I could do was suffer the weight and pain
of it, as I looked up into my father’s pleading eyes which seemed to silently
and prayerfully say, “Just keep holding on!”
Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, the
woman returned with several neighborhood men, who helped my Dad up out of the
way and then mercifully pulled the burden away from me to better steady on the
steps above. The relief was overwhelming
as I stood trembling and drenched in sweat.
They steadied the stove for several minutes as they discussed the
situation, and allowed me a brief reprieve, but eventually we realized there
was no way for them to get around or over the top of the stove to help from
below. So with their combined help from
above, I once again had to help lift the burden from down below and we
eventually made it up to the top of the stairs.
I actually don’t remember much after that about
loading it onto the trailer or even getting it home into the house or what
happened. I think my mortal bodily
systems were in a state of shock as the dissipating effects of the Adrenalin
rush took its toll.
But as I look back on it all now, I realize how
seemingly foolish it was to have logically thought we could have lifted such a
heavy burden up the stairs on our own.
And it seems impossible that I could have sustained holding the weight
for as long as I did without being crushed mercilessly beneath it. But
there are some parallels and lessons I now realize from that experience.
Firstly – we are often much stronger than we think
we are. Sometimes it may seem like we
carry a crushing load that we cannot seemingly bear. It doesn’t matter if it is emotional,
physical, spiritual, psychological or whatever.
If we were to look and examine our situation logically, it may seem we
cannot possibly endure the weight and strain of the situation. But there are likely hidden reserves of
strength waiting to be drawn out if we will but hold on a little longer with
all that we have.
And more importantly, I cannot help but consider the
lessons from this experience which relate (even if only in a very minor way) to
our Savior’s incredible suffering in Gethsemane. In my brief ordeal of several minutes, my
body was wracked with strain and I was drenched with sweat and left with a deep
bruise in my chest. But for Him, the
weight of all eternity rested upon his mighty shoulders with a strain that only
He could bear… and despite His divinity, He sweat as it were, “great drops of blood falling to the ground.”
(Luke 22:44)
Secular or logical thought might cause one to think
that Jesus’ suffering for a few hours in a remote garden could not possibly
relate to paying the price of justice for the sins of all those who would
repent, but those who have turned their hearts to Jesus Christ find that He
does indeed lift and carry our burdens and the weight of our sins, so that we
might find forgiveness and redemption.
Just as I am sure that perhaps some unseen, angelic hands
were steadying me on those stairs those years ago, Christ too had angelic
support and companionship, although he was left to carry the weight and the
burden all of Himself (Luke 22:43).
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| by Yongsung Kim |
My father unfortunately was in a position where he
was unable to help me hold the load, but his loving eyes never left me, and his
imploring call of encouragement to “just hold on a little longer” until the
ordeal was over, might perhaps resemble in some small manner, a loving Heavenly
Father who withdrew His presence temporarily, so that the glory might go to His
Beloved Son and the atonement completed properly. But I am sure the Father’s loving gaze never
left His son during His moments of terrible trial, while the ultimate price was
paid for all humankind.
So whatever trial or challenge you may be feeling
the crushing weight of in your life, just hold on a little longer. Stay faithful and true and trust that the
Lord will uphold you and lift the burden once the purpose of it has been
completed. And even if you cannot see an
end in sight, we can trust that the Lord is fully aware of the suffering we experience,
and there will come a blessed day, when “God
shall wipe away all tears from (our) eyes; and there shall be no more death,
neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain; for the
former things are passed away.” (Revelations 21:4)
