A BROKEN HEART

 A “Broken” Heart

We had the blessing of having one of our adult sons with us for our home Sacrament this morning before he left for his own home, and he mentioned something about having a broken heart which greatly impressed me.

We often associate having a broken heart with undergoing a process of sorrow, grief, suffering, refining, being compelled to be humble and other connections.  And these are all very true and real sources of causing us to enter into a state of humility where we can become teachable and moldable.  But these associations seem to indicate a condition of punishment rather than love.

But there is also another definition of what it means to be “broken.”

Just think of the relationship between a skilled horseman and his trusting steed compared to someone trying to hop onto a wild horse.  The wild horse will buck, snort, kick and try to throw the rider from his mount at all costs.  And a “worldly or natural” man might seek to break that horse through a process of harsh punishment.

But a truly skilled and master horseman approaches the relationship like that of a “horse whisperer”, lovingly establishing an unforced relationship of trust and companionship.  Such a horse which is “broken” in this loving manner is actually in a complete relationship of trust with its rider.  A skilled rider and his faithful horse have a relationship of love and trust almost as if they can read each other’s thoughts and intentions of where they need to go.  As such, the master rider often rarely needs to pull on the reigns unless he can foresee a danger or knows that a different route should be taken.  But often along the journey he trusts the horse’s instincts to keep them moving forward towards the desired end goal of their journey together.  It is a joint relationship where two beings become almost as one.

I love that thought and definition of what it means to have a “broken heart” in our relationship to the Lord.  It is not merely existing in a state of sorrow or imagined punishment to keep us in a state of submission, domination and control.  But rather, it is allowing the Lord to “bridle our passions” and allowing His gentle and loving hand to guide us, as we move faithfully forward, trusting in His divine understanding of the best way to help us reach our desired destination.  It is a trusting, joint relationship of love which allows us to actually fulfill the measure of our creation and allow Him to be with us through the entirety of the journey, instead of trying to buck Him off and out of our lives when we don’t like the direction His gentle leading tugs on the reigns are guiding us towards.

A truly “broken” and faithful horse loves its master, and derives joy from being with him, and helping take him where he needs to go, and is pleased to be of service to the master.  And a loving master always leads his horse to fresh waters and green pastures, but also knows when pushing it at a faster pace is required to get where they need to go.

If we could only learn to be “broken” in a similar way to allow the Lord and His Spirit to guide us, we would avoid many unforeseen snares, stumbles, vipers and hazards and instead find ourselves traveling safely along the straight and narrow path which leads to eternal life… all the while realizing that we are not doing it on our own, but under His loving direction and actually enveloped in His embrace.

          “And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war.  His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but He himself.  And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God.  And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean.  …And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS.” – Revelations 19:11-16

Finding the Strength to Hold On

Finding the Strength to Hold On

Many years ago, when I was senior in high school, I had a brief, but terrifying experience.

My older brother was gone serving as a missionary in South America, and my two younger brothers, who are 10 and 12 years younger than me, were too small to help, so I went with my father to purchase and load up an old wood burning stove from a private couple who lived on the outskirts of town.  Now I don’t know if you have ever had to move a big, thick, metal wood burning stove before, but they are extremely bulky and heavy.  Depending on the make and manufacturer they can weigh between 300 to 800 pounds… and this one was down in the basement of the house.

 The husband of the house was away at work, and so it was left to my father and me to try and get it up the stairs and out onto a trailer we had borrowed to haul it home.  My Dad was in his late 40’s at that time, but still fairly physically capable and strong, and I was a strapping teenage football player who regularly lifted weights, so for some reason, we thought we were tough enough to give it a try.  It was HEAVY!  We come from some stubborn, Viking ancestry, so wisdom didn’t prevail as it should have.

We lifted the enormous and awkward weight of it and managed to get it around the corner and were, one agonizing step at a time lifting it up the stairs from the basement.  It took a coordinated effort to lift together and take the next step up.  My father was on the top and having to squat down and pull upwards to the step he was on, while I simultaneously lifted from below and then took a quick step upwards once the legs of the stove were resting on the next higher step.  Remarkably, we had made it about three fourths of the way up the steps when in the midst of the next lift, my father’s back went out, and he collapsed backwards onto the upper steps behind him.

Suddenly, the weight of the entire stove rotated a bit and tipped back towards me and I found myself in a most precarious and terrifying position.  Essentially, the upper portion of the stove was resting precariously on one leg of the higher step while I was holding a dead lift of the weight below as one corner of the stove top jabbed into the meat of my chest.  I quivered for a moment and then somehow stabilized the weight, with certainly nothing but fear for my life giving me enough strength to hold the load.

I will never forget my father’s face as he looked down over the top of the stove, in complete agony over the searing pain in his back, with his eyes full of horror at the situation I was in.  At any second, and even if I tried to adjust my grip or the position of my feet, the enormous cast iron bulk would have pushed me over backwards and certainly crushed me beneath it on its terrible descent to the bottom of the stairs.  It was all I could do and took all my effort just to hold my precarious position.

The lady of the house, who was watching from the top of the stairs gave out a little shriek, her eyes open wide in shock, and it was only the agonizing voice of my father who snapped her out of it as he cried out to her, “Go get some help!”

Of course we should have gotten help much sooner, but in that moment, there was no time for second guessing, or thinking “we should have used a moving dolly”, or anything else… it was now a complete focus on survival from one straining second to the next.  My Dad struggled to get up and attempted to help pull the weight forward toward him to alleviate my burden, but with his injury there wasn’t much he could do.  I remember him feebly pleading, “Oh, Eric!  Hold on!”

I don’t know how long it was that I teetered on the brink of disaster.  I just remember straining with every ounce of my strength, with legs and arms trembling beneath the load as sweat poured down into my eyes and a deep pain penetrating the flesh of my left chest where the corner of the stove was digging in, and knowing that if I relaxed or let up for even an instant, disaster would follow.  There was no room or way to step aside in the narrow staircase to try and jump out of the way, there was only holding the load for as long as it took or be crushed beneath the weight.

Looking back at it now, I am fairly certain there may have been some unseen angelic help in supporting the weight for the length of time which seemed to stretch on forever, but in the moment, I felt completely alone under the potentially crushing weight, which seemed a burden far too heavy to bear for even another agonizing second.  All I could do was suffer the weight and pain of it, as I looked up into my father’s pleading eyes which seemed to silently and prayerfully say, “Just keep holding on!”

Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, the woman returned with several neighborhood men, who helped my Dad up out of the way and then mercifully pulled the burden away from me to better steady on the steps above.  The relief was overwhelming as I stood trembling and drenched in sweat.  They steadied the stove for several minutes as they discussed the situation, and allowed me a brief reprieve, but eventually we realized there was no way for them to get around or over the top of the stove to help from below.  So with their combined help from above, I once again had to help lift the burden from down below and we eventually made it up to the top of the stairs.

I actually don’t remember much after that about loading it onto the trailer or even getting it home into the house or what happened.  I think my mortal bodily systems were in a state of shock as the dissipating effects of the Adrenalin rush took its toll.

But as I look back on it all now, I realize how seemingly foolish it was to have logically thought we could have lifted such a heavy burden up the stairs on our own.  And it seems impossible that I could have sustained holding the weight for as long as I did without being crushed mercilessly beneath it.   But there are some parallels and lessons I now realize from that experience.

Firstly – we are often much stronger than we think we are.  Sometimes it may seem like we carry a crushing load that we cannot seemingly bear.  It doesn’t matter if it is emotional, physical, spiritual, psychological or whatever.  If we were to look and examine our situation logically, it may seem we cannot possibly endure the weight and strain of the situation.  But there are likely hidden reserves of strength waiting to be drawn out if we will but hold on a little longer with all that we have.

And more importantly, I cannot help but consider the lessons from this experience which relate (even if only in a very minor way) to our Savior’s incredible suffering in Gethsemane.  In my brief ordeal of several minutes, my body was wracked with strain and I was drenched with sweat and left with a deep bruise in my chest.  But for Him, the weight of all eternity rested upon his mighty shoulders with a strain that only He could bear… and despite His divinity, He sweat as it were, “great drops of blood falling to the ground.” (Luke 22:44)

Secular or logical thought might cause one to think that Jesus’ suffering for a few hours in a remote garden could not possibly relate to paying the price of justice for the sins of all those who would repent, but those who have turned their hearts to Jesus Christ find that He does indeed lift and carry our burdens and the weight of our sins, so that we might find forgiveness and redemption.

Just as I am sure that perhaps some unseen, angelic hands were steadying me on those stairs those years ago, Christ too had angelic support and companionship, although he was left to carry the weight and the burden all of Himself (Luke 22:43).

by Yongsung Kim

My father unfortunately was in a position where he was unable to help me hold the load, but his loving eyes never left me, and his imploring call of encouragement to “just hold on a little longer” until the ordeal was over, might perhaps resemble in some small manner, a loving Heavenly Father who withdrew His presence temporarily, so that the glory might go to His Beloved Son and the atonement completed properly.  But I am sure the Father’s loving gaze never left His son during His moments of terrible trial, while the ultimate price was paid for all humankind.

So whatever trial or challenge you may be feeling the crushing weight of in your life, just hold on a little longer.  Stay faithful and true and trust that the Lord will uphold you and lift the burden once the purpose of it has been completed.  And even if you cannot see an end in sight, we can trust that the Lord is fully aware of the suffering we experience, and there will come a blessed day, when “God shall wipe away all tears from (our) eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain; for the former things are passed away.” (Revelations 21:4)

To Be His Hand

TO BE HIS HAND

This picture of the Hand of Christ is extremely moving and humbling to me for several different reasons.

Firstly, because I love Jesus Christ and what He has done for me!  The price He paid on my behalf alone is unfathomable to imagine!  The depth and breadth of His love for every single soul defies all comprehension, and even if we are given but a glimpse of His love it is utterly overwhelming.  The tokens of His loving sacrifice are a glorious reminder of how much we mean to Him and the terrible price He paid on our behalf.

“Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands…” – Isaiah 49:16

I also love this sketch because my wife created it!  She has taken up painting a bit over the past few years and is developing a long-hidden artistic talent, which is amazing to see blossoming right before my eyes.  She has just recently begun to combine this talent with her testimony and study of the scriptures through a blog which you can find at Pigments and Ponderings and has many paintings and thoughts she will be sharing over time.  She has mostly done paintings before, and this was one of her first pencil sketches she has created for her latest blog post.

But the most moving thing about this sketch for me, is not in its mastery and precision of detail, but the fact that my wife used my own hand as the model for this composition.

To consider that my own imperfect hand could and would be transformed under the hands of a creator, to represent that glorious right hand of the Master Creator is a both greatly humbling, and in a way, a bit uncomfortable.  My hands are so far inferior and flawed compared to His own.  His hands which hold such Omnipotent power and strength, as well as the marks of my own imperfections and countless others, are glorious and perfect.  While my own hands are so often lacking in strength.

Yet the fact that my hand my might represent His in some small way is also very empowering to consider and humbles me all the more.  That He might consider using me as His representative in some way through my daily walk of life provides purpose and meaning to what I do and how I attempt to do it.

To those who desire to follow Him on the path of discipleship He has declared:

“Go forth among …thy brethren, and establish my word; yet ye shall be patient in long-suffering and afflictions, that ye may show forth good examples unto them in me, and I will make an instrument of thee in my hands unto the salvation of many souls.” – Alma 17:11

“Wherefore, I call upon the weak things of the world, those who are unlearned and despised, to thresh the nations by the power of my Spirit; And their arm shall be my arm, and I will be their shield and their buckler; and I will gird up their loins, and they shall fight manfully for me…” – Doctrine & Covenants 35:13-14.

One of the Lord’s living apostles, Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf stated:

 “When I think of the Savior, I often picture Him with hands outstretched, reaching out to comfort, heal, bless, and love. And He always talked with, never down to, people. He loved the humble and the meek and walked among them, ministering to them and offering hope and salvation.

That is what He did during His mortal life; it is what He would be doing if He were living among us today; and it is what we should be doing as His disciples...

As we emulate His perfect example, our hands can become His hands; our eyes, His eyes; our heart, His heart.  … With this in mind, let our hearts and hands be stretched out in compassion toward others.

Christ knows how to minister to others perfectly. When the Savior stretches out His hands, those He touches are uplifted and become greater, stronger, and better people as a result.  If we are His hands, should we not do the same?

…As we extend our hands and hearts toward others in Christlike love, something wonderful happens to us. Our own spirits become healed, more refined, and stronger. We become happier, more peaceful, and more receptive to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit.

… let us commit to become His hands, that others through us may feel His loving embrace.” – (‘You are My Hands’, April 2010 General Conference)

As I look at this wonderful and humbling picture which my wife created, it gives me hope and purpose.  It moves me to repent and through His hands and Atonement become more pure and clean and a little better, despite my many imperfections.

I can by no means compare myself to the Savior, and would NEVER seek to do so.  But perhaps, with the help of His Mighty Hand, I can represent Him a little better through my own life and actions, despite my vast imperfections.

And to think that He loves me enough to give me opportunities to represent and serve others in His name, so that I can come to learn more about His love for me… well, that makes me love Him all the more!

LOOKING BACK TO ‘NORMAL’ vs. MOVING FORWARD

LOOKING BACK TO ‘NORMAL’ vs. MOVING FORWARD

Isn’t it amazing how quickly things can change?! Change can be scary and/or wonderful and it is mostly based on our perspective and where our focus lies.

I had a wonderful conversation with a friend awhile back right as all of this Corona-virus chaos began and feel compelled to organize a few thoughts which can hopefully help us shift our perspective and offer a few rays of light and hope in the troubled world we have very suddenly found ourselves in.

We find ourselves in a unique time in history. It is a time in which the world as we used to know it and were comfortable with has drastically changed in a very short amount of time. It is a time of uncertainty and insecurity as health, employment and financial stability and world economies seem to be teetering on the brink. We have been “kicked out of our rut” so to speak. But if we open our eyes to analyze what is happening, and seek to understand, then getting out of that rut may actually be a very good thing.

In the rut, we were stuck. Stuck in old habits and guided by the well-worn down worldly routines which only seemed to be getting deeper and perhaps in a downward direction. Perhaps we were even in a spiritual rut of “routine” going to church mode of worship, and going through the temple out of habit instead of being changed for the better by such practices.

Now we are suddenly up out of the comfortable, lulling into security rut and find ourselves bouncing around an unfamiliar path to what may seem like an uncertain future.

Our initial tendency may be to look back, and hope and pray that things go “back to normal” as soon as possible. But looking back may be the entirely wrong thing to do.

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, our prophets and apostles have been literally pleading for us to make changes in our lives for the past several years. They have implored us to seek “higher and holier” ways of living and looking at life. They have sought to help us implement changes in our homes and hearts rather than looking to the buildings and classes of the Church for direction in all things, and instead “seek to be taught by the Lord Himself.” They have shortened meeting times and encouraged us to more fully keep the Sabbath holy in our own homes. We have been encouraged to “repent daily” and make sweeping changes so that we can “do better and be better”.

Now we suddenly find ourselves in a situation in which we cannot worship together on Sundays, nor go to the temple with any regularity of routine, and even many of our missionaries are being called home from service in sharing the gospel we love. And the natural man or woman inside us longs to go back to the comfortable and familiar mode of worship and guided progression offered to us by the ruts of the past. But consider where we stand in the history of the world, especially considering the imploring call of our prophet to “prepare ourselves and the world for the Second Coming of the Savior.” We will not get there nor prepare ourselves sufficiently through the comfortable ruts of the past.

Consider the story of Lot’s wife as found in Genesis 19. As they were being mercifully delivered from and led away from the evils of Sodom and Gomorrah, she wasn’t looking forward towards the bright future of freedom from sin and worldly wickedness, but instead “looked back … and became a pillar of salt” (Genesis 19:26). We might even consider that her looking back and longing towards the comfortable, worldly ways she had previously known caused her to be transformed into “salt that has lost its savor, and is thenceforth good for nothing but to be cast out and trodden under foot of men” (D&C 103:10, Luke 14:36-38). The Lord himself, when speaking of the last days stated, “But if they will not turn unto me, and hearken unto my voice, I will suffer them, yea, I will suffer my people, O house of Israel, that they shall go through among them, and shall tread them down, and they shall be as salt that hath lost its savor, which is thenceforth good for nothing but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot…” (3 Nephi 15:16).

So perhaps the Lord doesn’t want us looking back towards the worldly ways of Babylon in which we have been living, but instead looking spiritually and temporally forward towards Zion and preparing ourselves and the world for His Second Coming. Perhaps we shouldn’t be looking to governments, political leaders and worldly financial institutions and wondering how they will clean all this up and save us from this situation. Instead, perhaps all of this can and should be viewed as a loving opportunity the Lord has provided us to turn towards and look up to Him, who is mighty to save.

“If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and heal their land.” – 2 Chronicles 7:14

Surely He doesn’t want us lumbering downward, stuck in the ruts of the world which seem to have been spiraling downward with its lost and changing moral compass. Instead, perhaps He is pulling us upward and allowing us to look towards and rely upon Him alone as our literal Savior and Redeemer. He has, at least not yet, brought down the full measure of the prophesied calamities of the last days, but has instead shaken us, lifted us out of our comfortable ruts and is giving us another chance to change, while calling out, “Behold, I do not condemn you; go your ways and sin no more; perform with soberness the work which I have commanded you. Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not. Behold the wounds which pierced my side, and also the prints of the nails in my hands and feet; be faithful, keep my commandments, and ye shall inherit the kingdom of heaven” (D&C 6:35-37).

In the time which lies ahead, we will not find deliverance from political policies and worldly leaders. History is laden with secret combinations and errant trust in the arm of flesh.

There is and always has been only ONE SAVIOR and REDEEMER to whom we can look for salvation and deliverance. Can you hear Him? He is calling each of us to awake and arise from our slumber. He does NOT want us looking back, nor seeking to get back to what was normal and telestial. He is calling us upward and forward towards the glories, protections and peace which can only be found in and through Him and within Zion, where He has always dwelt.

The path of the temple shows us the covenant path which take us there. Yet even in our worship there we have often turned the divine into routine. Now that our ability to worship there is at least temporarily suspended, can we perhaps see what we have been missing all along?

“One might say that the gospel train stops at the front steps of the temple. We must walk into the temple and from there into Zion. We might liken the temple to an image of the world, and the Church as we know it being on one side of a bottomless canyon that is too wide and deep for any mortal to cross. On the opposite bank is Zion with all its attendant glories, including the presence of Deity. Spanning this vast divide like a mighty bridge is the great latter-day temple with the entrance on our side of the chasm and its back door on the far side opening into Zion. In this image millions of people enter the doors of the temple, participate in holy ordinances, make sacred covenants, and then return to the same door they entered and reemerge into Babylon. Figuratively speaking, the challenge to those who would become Zion in their own lives is to find the power and the knowledge offered in the temple, and instead of returning to the telestial world, to leave by the opposite door into Zion.” – (John Pontius, Triumph of Zion, pgs 13-14)

Can you see it? Can you see how the Lord is shaking us out of the ruts of Babylon, so that we can more clearly see the covenant path of change which will take us into Zion and His presence?

picture by Simon Dewey

Going back and seeking a return to normal is to retreat back into Babylon, which is destined to fall and fail, utterly and completely. There is no safety or security there! All of its falsehoods and instability have been shown in a mere few weeks of time.

Don’t look back! Don’t wish to go back to normal! Look and step upward and forward to the prophesied destiny which awaits the righteous in the glories of Zion in its fullness and resplendent magnificence! It is time to finally make the sweeping changes in our hearts and souls through His divine personal guidance.

He has always been waiting for us there in Zion, and is bringing about His loving and long-suffering changes in the world to allow us to see how fragile telestial things truly are. He is allowing us the opportunity to see more clearly and with His grace, finally make the wonderful journey home.

picture by Yongsung Kim

The Prison in our Mind – A Lesson from Narnia

The Prison in our Mind – A Lesson from Narnia

I have to admit, that as an avid reader throughout my life, I had never read all of the Narnia tales, by C.S. Lewis, from start to finish until just recently.  All of the tales in their entirety and put together in one story is a masterpiece of spiritual and scriptural analogy which has so many incredible and worthwhile gems regarding the Creation, overcoming mortal challenges, staying true to the cause of righteousness, maintaining one’s honor, discovering the divine within yourself, and enduring through trials and receiving the growth which can only come from them.

The final book in this series, “The Last Battle” also has so many important parallels and lessons about the last days, staying true to truth and not succumbing to false prophets and clever deceptions of the adversary, and being able to trust in the Lord to the bitter end, no matter what darkness is raging around you.  The glorious ending to the story describes what we all are seeking and longing for!!! (but that is another post all in itself, which I will save for another time).

What I wanted to comment on today was a small particular part of the story near the end.  There is a particular set of people (dwarfs in the story – which may represent their spiritually diminished condition) who will not believe anything whether good or bad.  They only believe and trust in themselves.  Even as the miraculous final events and terrible destruction are happening around them they remain in denial, despite the main characters’ efforts to help them come into the Light of understanding.

Their situation and story can shed some important light into the gift of agency, and why sometimes our efforts to help can fall on deaf ears.  And why even the Lord sometimes cannot reach them because of His respect for that agency.

As the others are trying to help them understand what is happening, the dwarfs reply, “How can you go on talking all that rot?  Your wonderful (Savior) didn’t come and help you, did he?  And now – even now- when you’ve been beaten… just the same as the rest of us, you’re still at your old game.  Starting a new lie!  Trying to make us believe…”

The Great Lion Aslan (who represents the Lord Jesus Christ) then arrives on the scene.

Some of Aslan's followers plead with Him to help the dwarfs, much in the way we may plead for our loved ones and friends who cannot seem to see the truth.

Aslan replies, “Dearest, I will show you both what I can, and what I cannot do.”

He then personally calls to the dwarfs, who because of their spiritual blindness cannot see Him and still seem to think it is a trick, “Hear that?  Their trying to frighten us.  …Don’t take any notice.  They won’t take us in again!”

Aslan then miraculously and kindly provides a multitude of bounteous blessings for them, but in their spiritually darkened state, they cannot recognize the blessings for what they really are or from Whom they have been provided.  Instead they complain and begin to fight amongst themselves, more concerned that others around them may somehow have something better, and in the end they justify their errant behavior with the claims, “Well, at any rate… we haven’t let anyone take us in.  The dwarfs are for the dwarfs.” (Or in other words, we will live for ourselves and only for ourselves).

Aslan then provides a remarkable explanation to His loyal friends.

“You see,” said Aslan.  “They will not let us help them.  They have chosen cunning instead of belief.  Their prison is only in their own minds, yet they are in that prison; and so afraid of being taken in that they cannot be taken out.  But come children, I have other work to do.”

I think there is a remarkable truth to be learned from this exchange.  And that is that despite all our prayers and efforts, and even the loving call of the Lord Himself, there are some who will not let themselves be open to help.  They may, at least for the time being, be past feeling.

That doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t keep praying for them or trying to help them when we can, but it also means that sometimes we need to trust them into the Lord’s care and His divine timing, and make sure we are still moving on with the “other work” He has for us to do.

And probably the most important lesson we can and should take from this exchange, would be in how we can apply its lesson to our own lives!

What parts of our own hearts are still sealed up from the Lord?

What parts of our flawed logic and limited understanding may be creating a prison in our own minds, which doesn’t allow us to see the Lord’s hand and countless blessings in our lives?

What parts of our soul are so fearful with being misled and lacking faith, that we are so afraid of being “taken in” that we cannot be “taken out” from those limitations and into greater spiritual light and truth, and Yes… even a deeper personal relationship with the Lord Himself, who stands by ready to receive us?

Perhaps part of that limiting and blinding fear comes from the fact that we worry what the Lord will think of us when we actually do meet Him and we have to face all our follies and indiscretions and imperfections before Him.

But if we are seeking to do our best and trying to improve, that fear is completely unfounded and untrue.  For as the faithful Lucy from the Narnia stories declares to one of her worried friends, “You’ll find it will be all right when you really do.”