THE BREATH OF LIFE
About 24
years ago, my family was enjoying a day at a popular water park in Utah. My wife and our two young sons were relishing
a day splashing in the water, going down slides and soaking up the warmth of
the summer sun, as part of a much needed break from undergraduate studies and
work.
One of the
popular attractions was one of those artificial wave pools, which starts out
very shallow and then gets progressively deeper as you get closer to the big
wall where massive pump engines suck and push the water in and out to create
cycles of man-made waves. It looked like
tons of fun and I had been out in the deeper areas with a float tube on
previous visits and found it quite exhilarating.
But my then
youngest son, Tyler, who was only 2 years old also found it interesting and
kept wanted to wander over there, so while the waters were still and calm, I
decided to wade out with him in my arms in the shallow area to feel the
splashing waves at our legs and the cheering and screams of joy of the other
occupants of the pool. Not wanting to
get into any danger I waded out about thigh-high or just below waist deep, no
more than 3 or so feet, where I felt comfortable holding him in my arms.
The signal
bell rang and the water began to ebb and flow. At first it was harmless, as the small waves
began to slosh back and forth around us.
But as the massive pumps began to operate at full force, I found to my
dismay that I was standing in an area where the smaller waves on either side of
me were converging into a large wave which was cresting right in front of where
we were located. And they kept getting
bigger and bigger with each succession.
Very soon, this larger combined wave was sloshing me back and forth and
I realized I needed to retreat to even shallower depth.
As I turned
to work my way back to the shallows, one of the growing, cresting waves, struck
me in the back and I fell forward onto my face, with my young toddler in my
arms. I panicked as the wave pushed me
down onto the floor of the pool and then sucked backwards, trying to pull me
back towards the depths behind me.
Realizing my young son was underwater I frantically lifted him up with
my right hand in attempt to get him above water, as I scrambled to get up onto
my knees and to try to stand. But before
I could get my feet underneath me, another wave hit my back and slammed me back
downward again. As several of these
attempts repeated themselves, I realized to my horror that I was only getting
very small moments in which I could take a brief, partial, gasping breath,
before I was slammed back down and inhaling small bits of water, which made my
throat spasm and want to cough. And all
of this was compounded by the fact that I was still struggling to keep my son
above water as much as possible, but unsure if he was still breathing or what
state he was in.
I thought
about trying to scream for help when my head briefly came above water, but the
entire pool was full of people screaming and yelling in delight, and no one
even knew of the struggle I was experiencing.
And the waves just kept coming, and coming, and coming. No matter how desperately I struggled with my
left hand and two feet, I could not get to my knees or feet sufficiently long
enough to either stand up above the waterline, or progress further toward the
shallows. And with each wave, I feared I
was being pulled back into the deeper abyss.
My
desperation quickly turned to panic, and then transformed into absolute terror
and despair, and I became convinced that I may likely drown in a mere 3 feet of
surging water. And all the while I was
terrified for the fate of my small son, who I was desperately trying to raise
up above my head with one arm, but unsure if he was actually any better off
than I was.
It is
amazing how in such instances, time seems to change and how a thousand thoughts
can compress themselves into a mere fraction of a moment. I actually considered my options. I could let go of my son, and use my second
hand to help raise me from the bottom, and then try to locate and lift my
son. But this would consign him to
dropping below the water where he would surely be washed away from me and I may
not be able to retrieve him, and would increase his likelihood of drowning. No, I could never let him go!
As I grew
frantic for air and the impulse to breath was screaming for relief, I began to
see sparks in my head and I realized that I would soon lose control and either
impulsively take a breath and inhale water, or I may pass out and then would
lose all ability to recover. And I
suddenly knew with complete certainty that I was going to die!
As I
resigned myself to this fate, and accepted it, I suddenly quit thinking about
myself and my own predicament. I knew
that I would die, so I instead, in one of those compressed nano-second moments,
prayed silently from the depths of my soul, “If I must die, please save my
son!” I didn’t care what happened to me
anymore. I was willing to accept my fate
and embrace it, and I was fine with that if it meant my son could somehow live,
and so this was where all my energy and heart was pleading to the Lord to take
me if He needed, but please save my son.
All of my effort was focused on keeping him above water as much as
possible, so that he could breathe, so that he might somehow live.
It was in
this very moment of submission and when I forgot myself and was totally focused
on the welfare of my son, and all of my desire was only for his safety, that
the waves began to slow and lessen in intensity. The water receded and was suddenly able lift
my head and take a gasping breath of air.
It was the breath of life!
I was
finally able to get up onto my knees and raise my trunk upward and with certainty
lift my son completely out of the water.
And as the water continued to calm behind and around me, I was utterly
spent and exhausted. Gasping for air and
coughing and spitting water from my lungs, I heard the most joyous sound I
could have heard in that moment – my son crying!
I was
completely overjoyed that he was alive and breathing enough to be wailing in
tears! And as I crawled forward on my
knees (because I literally didn’t have the strength to stand at that moment), I
was simply overcome with gratitude. Just
being able to breathe and knowing that my son was alright was worth more than
any worldly treasure or accomplishment, and I poured out silent thanks to my
Father in Heaven for His mercy in delivering us from our terrible predicament.
I have to
admit, that I have never once entered a wave pool again since that day. But I have been able to draw several
comparisons and insights about it and from it.
And while this list is not exhaustive, it may be informative to you as
well:
1. In life, we often think we can
control our circumstances and feel we are safe to wander off the solid footing
of the straight and narrow path, thinking that we can enjoy a few thrills and
handle things alright without any risk.
But in reality, things can and usually do escalate quickly beyond our
control when we leave spiritually solid ground behind. We may have our moments of thrill and
delight, but they come at great risk and potentially deadly cost.
2. When the waves of life come crashing
down around us, we are pretty much helpless to deliver ourselves. We cannot stop the forces of mortality around
us, and must suffer the consequences of our actions, and are powerless to
change them. We fall victim to their
merciless and crushing forces… UNLESS
we seek help from a Lifeguard who walks on water and has the power to calm the
stormy seas around us, and is able to reach down as He did to Peter and lift
him from the waves and cold depths of life’s deadly tides.
3. I realize that my experience cannot
even begin to compare in any significant degree, but I feel gained an
ever-so-small, fractional experience of what kind of desperation the Savior
might have suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane. As I think of how the scriptures describe
Him being sore amazed and astonished to the point He fell down upon His face
(Matt. 26:36-39), I am humbled to tears to consider how the massive waves of sins,
suffering and sorrows of all mankind beat down upon Him with their eternal
weight for nearly 3 agonizing hours.
This was so great that even our Lord cried out, “Please, if there is any
other way, please take this cup away from me!”
But He willingly submitted, accepted and partook of the bitter cup.
4. It was when I submitted and lost all
thought or concern of myself, and instead focused upon the welfare and salvation
of another that relief and salvation finally came. In similar manner, the power of the Atonement
was wrought when the Savior submitted, accepted and let His will be completely
swallowed up in the will of the Father that the miracle was able to be accomplished,
and deliverance and salvation was finally extended to all of us. He was willing to, and did in fact, offer
Himself a sacrifice and gave up His life so that we all might live! His love and concern for us and our eternal
welfare is the definition of what Love truly is. “For whosoever will save his life shall lose
it, and whosoever will lose his life, for my sake shall find it.” (Matt.
16:25) And “Greater love hath no man than this, that
a man lay down his life for his friends.”(John 15:13) We
too will find ourselves and the blessings we seek, when we begin to lose
ourselves in the Lord’s service and in service to our fellow men and
women. CHARITY never faileth, and is the
pure love of Christ, and if we want to become like Him and be worthy to dwell
with Him again someday, this will be “THE” essential quality we will need to
possess!
5. When I was drowning, I could not
bring myself to let my son go, and give up his life. I was desperate to save him no matter what
the cost, just so that he could live and be safe. As I consider what our Heavenly Father must
have experienced as He witnessed His “Beloved Son”, Jesus Christ, suffering,
being mocked, beaten, smitten and nailed to a cross…. Somehow He was able to
let His Son go, and sacrifice Him so that ALL of us could have a chance to live.
I stand all
amazed at the love that They offer me!
And you! And all of us!
The reality
and amazing grace of it all, is the fact that when the storms and waves of life
are beating us down, the Lord is right there in the midst of it all, with us,
reaching down to lift us, if we will but turn to Him and reach up for His
help. He doesn’t cause the suffering
which comes as the result of our bad choices or because of the nature of
opposition this mortal life offers. He
also doesn’t cause the trauma and waves of abuse or unjust suffering and
punishment that come because of the wickedness of others which affects us. But even in these situations, which are no
fault of our own, He is willing and able to help lift us above the waves, put
our feet back on solid group, heal us both body and soul, and beckon us onward
along the path which leads back to Him.
The waves
are sure to come and beat upon us. He
mercifully grants us times of peace and placid waters to regain our bearings
and make strides forward, but he also allows the waves to return so that we can
remember that He is the one that allows us to stand and grants us one truly
remarkable “breath of life” to the next.
These experiences serve to keep us humble and remind us to cry out to
Him with greater conviction and focus and to be more grateful for the peaceful
moments when they come. And it is during
those moments of desperate desire and reaching for Him, when we truly find Him.
“When you reach up for
the Lord’s power in your life with the same intensity that a drowning person
has when grasping and gasping for air, power from Jesus Christ will be yours.
When the Savior knows you truly want to reach up to Him—when He can feel that
the greatest desire of your heart is to draw His power into your life—you will
be led by the Holy Ghost to know exactly what you should do. When you spiritually stretch beyond anything
you have ever done before, then His power will flow into you.” – (Pres. Russell M. Nelson, April
2017 General Conference)
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