The "Limits" of Love

The Limits of Love

Years ago when I lived in Utah, I was heading home from a home health physical therapy visit and driving through the town of Lehi.  I will admit that I was in a hurry to finish my day and get back home to my family, a nice dinner, some comfortable sweat pants and my easy chair.  So I was probably going about 5 miles-(ish) over the speed limit, but nothing major, right?

Suddenly, another motorist came up from behind, sped past me going about 10 miles per hour faster than I was, and the next thing I knew flashing police lights were appearing in my rear view mirror.  Thinking for sure the officer was going after the man who had just raced past me, I slowed down and began to pull over to the side, while the speeding car who passed me was now a few blocks ahead, had turned and was racing up the freeway on-ramp.  But to my surprise the patrol car pulled off the road behind me.

As the officer got out of his vehicle and approached I was somewhat stunned by this situation.  When I rolled down my window to address him and he asked if I knew how fast I had been driving, I replied, “Officer, surely you must have my speed confused with the other car who just passed me and raced up onto the freeway?”

He replied, “No, I know that man was going faster than you.  I saw the whole thing.  But by the time I could catch up, he was already getting on the freeway and was beyond my reach.  His time will come.  But that doesn’t change the fact that you were also driving in excess of the speed limit.”

I was shocked, and started to get a little bit angry about this situation.  It appeared as if I was just being singled out for my lesser violation while someone who had done far worse was getting away with it.  Where was the justice in that?  But then he said something that changed my train of thought about the situation.

He said, “I know it might not seem fair at the moment, but the fact is, I actually care.  If you had seen the things I have seen, you would know that I only want EVERYONE to be safe and to be able to return home to their loved ones.  That’s why the rules are in place, even for you.”

This comment struck me.  This officer wasn’t to blame.  I had been speeding and in violation of the law which was in place to protect me and everyone else.  The fact that someone else wasn’t following the law didn’t excuse me from doing so.    And yes, I got a ticket, which was later waived because I went to a 20 minute traffic safety class.

But this experience taught me a valuable life lesson - Most rules (at least justly made rules) are in place to help us, not to hinder us.  And there is an important lesson to learn from such a concept.  But first, let me expound upon my driving analogy just a bit further.

The distance between where I live and where I work each day results in about a 20 minute commute.  But it is through rural farm country and is a pleasant drive for the most part, and it gives me time to ponder and pray or listen to a nice audio book or uplifting podcast so I don’t really mind all that much.

But I am surprised that despite the leisurely nature of the drive, there are so many people in such a hurry to get where they are going.  Despite the fact that I am driving the speed limit (which I try to do, but am definitely not perfect at it), there always seems to be one or two people who are right on my bumper and waiting to pass, and then whipping past me in a speedy frenzy to be on their way.  I try to accommodate their intent and wish them well and safety on their way.  But what is often comical about this is that despite their passing me and speeding ahead, by the time I reach town I have often caught up to them or passed them again as they sit waiting at a stop light or waiting to turn left at a corner.  So all the rush really didn’t help them get there any faster anyway.  And sadly, it may have put themselves and others at risk along the way.

So what is the purpose of a speed limit?

A speed limit is the maximum speed which you are allowed to drive under “optimal” road conditions.  Those conditions can be varied by time of day, lighting and visibility issues, snow or rainy roads, potholes or other unexpected obstructions, other motorists or pedestrians, school zones, no passing zones because the potential for encountering oncoming traffic is extremely high, etc.

Just because your vehicle has the ability to drive faster doesn’t mean that you should or that you can without consequences.  Now don’t get me wrong, you have the ability to choose to drive as fast as you want, BUT not without potential consequences.

You might say, “Well, it’s my choice?  I am in a hurry!  What I have to do and where I have to go is more important than what the limits allow?”

Yes, you can say all of those things and drive how you desire.  But the potential consequences can be life changing in ways both large and small.  Just consider some of those possibilities:

• ·     Speeding tickets – which have never brightened anyone’s day or made them feel better.
• ·        Accidents – sometimes small and minor and sometimes major with loss of life and permanent disabilities or death or loss of the use of your vehicle and ability to get around.
• ·       Increased insurance costs for which you pay for long periods of time until improved behavior is demonstrated.
• ·       Potential medical costs and prolonged rehabilitation needs.
• ·       Potential guilt if you injured someone else along the way.
• ·       And the list could go on, but you get the idea

Those things that seemed so important and why you needed to get there a few moments faster suddenly disappear when the potential consequences become a reality.

And sometimes we may want to shift the blame for such things onto others around us:

·         “It’s the other stupid drivers on the road who are going to slow!”

·         “That mean police officer is being a jerk and just wanted to ruin my day!”

·         “This insurance racket is rigged to make me pay!”

The problem with this train of thought is that it shifts the blame to someone else, and doesn’t take accountability for our own actions, nor the fact that we were not driving according to the defined and posted law or according to the conditions around us.

The simple fact is, the laws and limits are there to provide for our safety, not as a restriction or punishment.  They allow us to travel about with other motorists who all have their own destinations and motivations.

So what is the purpose behind all this traffic talk anyway?  Well, let’s “shift gears” and extend these thoughts in to other arenas.

“Just because your vehicle has the ability to drive faster doesn’t mean that you should or that you can without consequences.”

Now let’s change that slightly to an example of something like …let’s say sexual immorality – “Just because you have the physical ability to participate in acts of physical intimacy doesn’t mean you should whenever and however you want.”  You might feel the “need for speed” in this desire, but that doesn’t give you the right to force that desire upon someone else against their will or outside of appropriate marriage relationships without some kind of consequences.

Just as violation of traffic laws is likely to eventually result in some kind of ticket, accident, injury, broken cars and broken lives, inappropriate and unsafe sexual relations and tendencies outside the bounds of marriage is likely to result in potential STDs, broken hearts of family by a cheating spouse, broken homes, unwanted pregnancies and the ripple effects can go on and on.

And with something like this, there is the basic speed limit of “Thou shalt not commit adultery” which is based on “optimal road conditions” so to speak, and then there is the finer point of personal control and safety according to “any possible varying road conditions” of “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” (Matt 5:27-28)

Can you see how the observance of not only the basic law, but the higher law would protect you, your family and those you love from potential spiritual injury?  In fact, you probably don’t have to look very far to know someone personally who has suffered the devastating effects of these kinds of violations, or perhaps have suffered from them yourself.

The same things are true for all moral laws which govern society.   You could apply them to Honesty, Theft (no matter who small it might be), gossiping or backbiting, bearing false witness, or any other moral law.

Now imagine that while driving about, if everyone, instead of being so focused on just where they were going and how best it will serve them to get where they desire as quickly as possible, everyone's primary concern was to show respect for the givers of the laws and the safety of the other drivers around them to help them along their way.  This shift from selfish to selfLESS would then require far less enforcement of all the other varied traffic rules.

The same is true for moral law and commandments.  On our journey down the road of life, if instead of being motivated  by our own selfish desires and "what's in it for me", our motivations were to "Love the Lord thy God, and to Love our neighbors and fellow travelers", then the all of the lesser laws just seem to fall naturally into place without much need for enforcement. 

It does no good to point the blame at others or try to justify our own violations because of the inappropriate actions of others.  Safety begins with learning to better observe the laws individually ourselves first and foremost, and then being kind and considerate of others and helping them along their way safely.

But sometimes accidents do happen which are beyond our control.  You might be a perfectly attentive and safe driver, but someone else around you may be operating distracted, intoxicated or otherwise impaired… or just selfishly trying to put their own desires ahead of everyone else around them.  Yes, there can be innocent victims involved, and in fact our actions tend to always have some kind of effect upon other around us, whether we want it to or not.

And, it is important to remember that unless we are in the field of law enforcement, our responsibility is to simply be a law abiding citizen.  Those who are given proper authority are the ones who have the actual power to enforce the laws and rules, along with the potential fines or punishments.  There have to be police officers and judges to properly determine intent, where the fault lies and what the appropriate repercussions are in each individual case.

The same is true with spiritual or moral matters.  We are best to simply focus on learning to be “law abiding” citizens ourselves first and foremost, and leave the judging and enforcing of the laws to those who are in positions of authority.

And because we are all imperfect and all violate the law to some degree at some time or another, what a blessing it is that we can turn to the Master Physician, and Master Mechanic, Jesus Christ, to help mend that which is broken and make us whole once again so we can continue on our journey.  There will likely be a cost involved for those repairs, but His work is actually very inexpensive and absolutely complete and guaranteed if we accept His terms and conditions of repentance.  And absolutely nothing is beyond His ability to repair completely, no matter how significant the damage might be.

And His laws and rules and moral speed limits are in place, because just like that police officer told me all those years ago, Christ would say to us - “I know it might not seem fair at the moment, but the fact is, I actually care.  If you had seen the things I have seen, you would know that I only want EVERYONE to be safe and to be able to return home to Me and those they love.  That’s why the rules are in place, even for you.”

And no matter how the world or others may treat us,  the “Limits” of His love and forgiveness are truly limitless in our behalf!

Living Beyond Our Control

BEYOND OUR CONTROL

Ski Wipe-outs and Speed Limits

          Okay, so it’s now officially December, the Thanksgiving Holiday has past and the Christmas season will soon be upon us, and I've finally gotten in to the Christmas spirit.

In typical South East Idaho fashion, winter then made its entrance with a vengeance!       I awoke early Tuesday morning to two different sounds: 1. My bladder screaming at me that it was time to get out of bed or pay the consequences.  2. The snow plow rumbling down the street in the early morning darkness.  I arose and answered call number one, and then took this snap shot of the 12" of snow piled up in my front yard since I had gone to bed the previous night!

          So with old man winter now fully engaged in the holiday season, I thought it would be a good time to share a skiing story of mine that involves an epic crash with near disastrous consequences, and how my foolish actions changed skiing at Grand Targhee resort for everyone for years to come.

          Now it’s no surprise that I’m a pretty big guy at 6’3” and over 250lbs (although we won’t discuss how much over!) so when you strap something on my feet that makes me slide and point me down a steep and slippery incline gravity has a pretty significant effect.  Add to these laws of physics the fact that I didn’t start skiing until my late 30’s you get a pretty unpredictable combination that may result in a few registers on the Richter scale.

          During my life prior to skiing, I had often heard people use the phrase, “things have gone all ski-wampus”, in sentences when things had gone awry.  I didn’t really understand what that meant until one of my first big skiing crashes when I got up afterwards and saw my skis, poles, hat and even a glove strewn about me haphazardly in the snow.  “Oh, so that’s what ski-wampus means!”

          I was probably only into my second year of skiing and my family had a season pass at Grand Targhee.  On this particular day, two of my brothers, Dirk and Carl and I had taken a “boys day out” on the mountain together and I was easily the least experienced one of the group.

          I have never liked the really big mountains and black diamond slopes kind of thing, and in fact there is one run at the top of Targhee that is called Sitting Bull, after the old Indian chief.  But when I was first coaxed into going up to give it a try, I looked down into the foggy abyss below me which seemed to drop off into infinity and I realized why it was really called Sitting Bull, because I sat down on the edge of the slope and thought, “Bull crap if I’m going down that thing!”

          So my brothers, who were more advanced skiers, humored me on that particular trip and we stayed on the smaller “kids” hill called the Shoshone.  It’s actually an excellent learning hill with many fun, short runs through different terrain that was just perfect for me. The trouble was that after some good easy warm up runs, my brothers got a little bored and soon a little competition began amongst us.

          My younger brother Carl figured out that if we split up at a juncture near the top of this mountain, there were 3 different runs which were about the same distance, and if we split up at the same time we could all race down to the bottom.  Of course I got smoked the first several times we tried this little rivalry, but I was feeling pretty confident in myself on my skis that particular day.  So the next race, I threw caution to the wind and instead of swishing back and forth in my normal conservative speed controlled serpentines,  I came out of my little turn through the trees and leaned forward into an aggressive crouch against the front of my boots and bombed down the slope before me.

          I couldn’t see where my younger brother was off through the trees to my right, but I was determined to beat him to the bottom of the hill and be in the lead when I reached the final left hand turn which funneled into a narrow track that led to the bottom of the lift.

          Unfortunately, my competitive juices drown out the universal law of physics, F=ma, or Force = mass x acceleration.  Considering my mass and the acceleration, when I reached the bottom of the hill and that sharp left turn, there was a substantial amount of force involved!

          As I leaned into the turn, the pressure on my right leg was too much for my second hand ski equipment and my boot popped out of the binding.  The problem was, all of my mass and acceleration were still applying their full force upon that right leg, so my ski boot slammed down into the snow and my leg served as a pole vault which spun me around and launched me out into space.

          It’s an amazing thing how clear your mind can become in a situation like that and how much information you can think about in a few nano-seconds of time!  As I was flying headfirst and back downward looking up into the sky I somehow had time to think, “Oh no! There are all these trees down the side of this hill and I am flying head first into them!  I don’t have a helmet!  I hope I don’t break my neck or shatter my skull!  I could possibly end up dead or with permanent paralyzing injuries!  How could I be this stupid!  I love my wife and kids!  Will I ever see them again?  Please help me in my stupidity Lord!”

          I know it might seem crazy or impossible, but these thoughts actually flooded through my mind in that brief moment between catapulting skyward and entering a small grove of aspen trees which stretched down the hillside beneath me.

          To help you realize what was going on, I will share a few picture below to illustrate.  I took these pictures the following summer when we went back to the ski resort, to the actual spot where these incidents occurred.

          Flying upside down and head first, my head miraculously passed between two narrowly spaced trees and the top of both shoulders slammed into the trunks with enough force that it completely knocked the wind out of me.

Yes these are the actual trees that my head passed through without crushing my skull!

          My feet flew up above my head and my ski boots and one remaining ski bounced off the tree at least twelve feet up above ground level.  We know this height was accurate by the big hunk of bark which my brothers noticed torn out of the tree a few minutes later when they found me.

          What happened next was kind of a blur, but I still had enough force and momentum that after bouncing off that first tree, I flew cartwheeling another 20-30 feet down the hillside while ping-ponging through a series of more trees.  I was like a helpless massive rag doll being pummeled on all sides by giant baseball bats.

          As I came to rest at the bottom of the hill, I found myself half buried in the powdery snow looking up into the sky.  My first recognition was that I was alive, and gratitude overcame me!  Then I realized that I couldn’t breathe because the wind had been knocked out of me and I started to panic, wondering if I had broken my neck!  I wiggled my fingers and then my toes… I could move!  I was again overcome with gratitude that I was not paralyzed!  Finally, I was able to take in a gasping breath of air and roll over onto my side and sit up.

          At that point I heard my brothers up at the top of the hill through the trees talking to each other.  One of them was asking “Where did he go?  I thought he was ahead of us this time?”  The other replied, “I don’t know, the last I saw he was making a turn down by the trees.”

          I then let out a groan as the effects of my bludgeoning through the trees finally settled in throughout my body.  My brothers, like true brothers, laughed when they saw me and all my equipment strewn out down along the hillside amongst the trees.  Then they asked if I was alright.

          It was nothing short of a miracle!  Other than getting the wind knocked out of me and some residual muscle soreness, I had suffered no broken bones or other injuries whatsoever.  My brothers and I were amazed as we surveyed the scene and considered what had happened and how life-threatening serious that situation could have been.  One brother even commented that “angels must have parted those trees” and guided my body through them, because there’s no other way I could have come out uninjured.  The mercy of God had truly been extended to me in my stupidity.

          Needless to say, that ended our racing escapades for the day and I was a much more conservative skier from that point forward.  When my family and I returned to ski there again less than a week later, I took my wife to where the accident had happened and was surprised to see a Speed Limit 5 mph sign posted on the trees in the exact location where my crash occurred,

          I felt a mixture of embarrassment, but also a little bit of pride in knowing that my actions had changed the rules of the ski resort and perhaps would protect others from the same stupid mistake I had made. (Of course I don’t really know for sure if it was my accident that resulted in the posting of the speed limit sign… but I will take credit for it anyway).

          As I ponder back on that experience, I am still extremely humbled and grateful that I am still alive and with my family, that I can walk and think and move and live my life as a normal human being!  I realized that while I thought I was just trying to have some fun, I had failed to realize where the boundaries of my control were, and the result could have been disastrous.

          On that day, it was as if those trees stood there as sentinels to warn me, “If you get out of control and go off the designated path, the road ahead will be much more difficult and painful and you will suffer some consequences.”

          And that’s how it is with God’s commandments.

 Some may think that the Commandments are restrictions of our freedom and agency to do whatever we want, but they really stand as markers to show us the safer route to follow if we will but heed them and follow the Lord’s designated path to safety and happiness.

          If we decide to just do our own thing and don’t pay attention to those guide posts and markers, then the result is not that we break the commandments, but that we break ourselves against them.  The rules and laws of God are unchangeable guardrails which show us how to avoid the dangerous cliffs and pitfalls of life which lead to pain, sorrow, broken hearts and broken lives.

          Of course, like me on the ski hill that day, we all make mistakes which cause our lives to spin out of control at times.  We can make our own silly choices, but we cannot control the consequences of those actions.  But luckily for us, our Lord and Savior and loving Heavenly Father are merciful to us.  I know that they protected me from more serious harm on the mountain that day, and I also know that they lovingly try to protect us from harm when we make mistakes.  Their patient and caring call after we have fallen is to beckon us to rise up, come back up to higher ground, and once again place our feet upon the designated path they have laid before us which leads to safety and happiness.

          It’s not about restricting our agency or freedom.  Once I had gone off the designated path, I lost control of my situation and had absolutely no power to make any decisions about what happened to me as I careened and banged my way through the trees below me.  I had absolutely no freedom or agency at that point, but was under the complete control of the foolishness of my actions.  I had failed to recognize where my limitations were and was instantly beyond any sense of control of my life.

          Like the speed limit sign posted in those trees, our loving Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ have given us commandments to place spiritual warning signs and guardrails along the trail of life to clearly mark the safest path if we will but see them, recognize them and stay within their guiding influence.

          May we all take better heed of those warning signs and guideposts as we run this race of life that is before us, and be grateful for the patient, caring guidance and loving protection we are given each and every day!

          As far as me and skiing... with advancing age and failing knees, I've now decided to stick to snowshoes instead!